After 2 ½ hours sleep last night, I can safely say, a bear with a sore head had nothing on me this morning. My alarm broke the silence and my, at last restful sleep, like a siren blasting onto my ear drums. I wanted to hit the snooze button, but I haven’t done that for a long time and what’s an extra ten minutes going to achieve?
I felt the pain of cramp and stabbing insidiously through my legs and back as I moved to stand up. I was as grumpy as Oscar the Grouch and thinking of a way that I could get some rest in today. It’s Thursday, one of my busiest days and one where I have to be at my best, so no chance of rest. I was very quiet getting the boys up and ready for school, I could feel everything and everyone irritating me and I knew my snap this morning, would be worse than a crocodile’s.
Driving away from school, I noticed a young woman who couldn’t have been any older than 20, in a wheel chair. I looked at her face in between her woollen scarf and hat, she did look tired, but she was smiling, unlike the frown across my face. Her smile made me stop and think, ‘Ok, so I am tired, yep, but today my body is fully functioning, a little painful but nothing I can’t handle. I can walk wherever I want I am not in a wheelchair. The biting cold of the rain and snow isn’t stinging my face, I am in a car with the heating blasting out warm air.
I was so angry with myself which brought me to tears. There was me complaining because I felt exhausted but when I looked at others I realised that I have so much to always be positive and grateful for. I felt more frustrated because all the things I have studied and learned and implemented in my life and helped others to implement in theirs, I had got lost somewhere in my mind. I believe in the mind-body connection and how much our thoughts play a part in the level of symptoms, but this morning I had let it slip. It was like a yo-yo effect as my mood dipped my symptoms soared.
Time to take control:
Deep breath, deeper breath and remember I am only human and one living with a chronic condition. No matter how much we learn and implement into our lives, there will be challenging days when we do feel down, angry, upset etc. it’s part of life. But to recognise how we are feeling, not beat ourselves up over it, feel it, let it go and switch our thoughts to more positive ones and feel grateful for everything we do have, is the way to slam the door on the spiral down.
It does seem a little ironic that I had decided last week that Thursday will be thoughtful Thursday :).
I hope you have had a wonderful Thursday