Being totally honest with myself was one thing but being brutally critical was another. For a long time, I felt inadequate, I hated what was happening to my life, I felt as though life was being drained from me day by day. Wanting to do so many things, especially with my children, and just not being able to. My energy or lack of, continuously putting a halt to plans I had made. The pain I felt because there were times, I couldn’t even hug my children, it was just too painful.
Finally, after much painful deliberating, I faced the reality that I would have to shelve my ‘then’ career as I simply didn’t have the energy to carry on and become successful. This was one of the hardest decisions I had to make as I had forced myself (adding yet more stress to life), to continue for such a long time.
I realised I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression; each day became a painful chore. I just knew that I couldn’t go through the rest of my life feeling like this. Thank God for my children! I want to be the best that I can as an example for them, to this day, this inspirers me to strive for a positive, uplifted life, despite fickle fibro.
Changing my perspective on life certainly didn’t change overnight and I still keep myself in check, it’s a journey. One of the most self-destructive things I did was to:
Compare myself to others.
Oh boy, this was a big one. I guess in life it’s only natural for us to look at other people’s lives and compare them to our own, but there is a definite limit here. This started to happen more frequently and to a deeper level once fibromyalgia set in. I used to look at other women and feel totally inadequate. Things that would run through my mind:
Why can’t I have the energy and the clarity to be as successful as her?
Why don’t I look as good as her?
She seems to juggle everything and not drop a thing, why can’t I?
Why can’t I tap in to my creative energy the way she can?
I want to be as happy as she is.
I was as confident as her before, why do I feel so insecure now?
These thoughts were sending me into a negative spiral. Don’t compare yourself to others! Remember this wonderful quote
‘BE YOURSELF EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TAKEN!’
You are your own uniquely, beautiful, amazing self and don’t forget it. It’s your story, your journey. Jot down all the wonderful things you have achieved in your life, keep a journal to look at.
Because there are times when your mind may not be in the right place to think of those amazing times. By keeping a journey they are all written down for you to see. Add pictures and things you love to make it bright and colourful.
Have a wonderful day xx