Stop…Wait! What Did She Say…Give Up Hope in 2019?

Lose hope in 2019!

Does that sound negative to you? 

Well if it does, I was right there with you. I thought my coach had totally lost the plot when she told me to give up hope…

Mid 2017 going into 2018, I felt I had lost all control. Fibromylagia was controlling almost every aspect of my existence.  I say existence because that was what it was. I wasn’t living or enjoying anything in my life at all.  I was overwhelmed with widespread pain, couldn’t remember anything (even my sons lunch money or forms for trips etc), coping with extreme fatigue with the added bonus of not being able to sleep. 

I started medication because I was at my wits end, but it significantly reduced my memory (and there really wasn’t much room for deterioration). I was so spaced out I was living on another planet. I was Still in terrible pain despite medication and wanted to come back to planet earth. The truth was I had no idea how to ground myself again neither did I have the energy to figure it out.  I dragged through every day, ‘hoping I would feel better soon.’  The truth was, I had given away my control to hope, and honestly…Given Up!

To place your energy in hope is a false sense of security and if we are being totally honest, which can be painful in itself, we will admit, that in reality, we have given up. 

Now before I explain what I mean about ‘Lose Hope’, I need to clarify quite clearly this is not the same ‘hope’ state as someone who has given up all hope in life and may be severely depressed and suicidal. This is an entirely different state which needs outside help immediately. 

The hope I am talking about is, ‘I hope I will feel better tomorrow’, ‘I hope my symptoms ease’, but taking no steps at all to help yourself.

This type of hope is coming from a scarcity state.  What is a scarcity state? In this context, it means that we don’t feel as though we have the resources to help ourselves feel better. Why is hope coming from a scarcity state? When you place your energy and focus in hope, you are waiting for something to happen. Hope is then creating a sense of, ‘not being in control’ and I can say from personal experience this is where I was.  Not being in control has been one of the most frustrating things for me living with fibro and the reason that I just stopped trying anything that could make me feel better.

Are you relying on hope instead of taking small steps to help yourself regain control over your life?  I know I was. 

What is the answer to start taking back control?


At any given time in your life, no matter how severe your symptoms have become, You Always Have The Power To Make Choices.  Ok, they may not be the exact choices that you want to be making but even the smallest choice will allow you to feel as though you are regaining a certain amount of control over your life and that is the beginning of progress.

If you have the energy to place in hope, you can easily redirect it into making choices that are going to give you more control which will benefit you. 

How Do I Make The Change?

Step back and take a good, hard, long look at the life you are living. Be very clear and honest with yourself and ask yourself:

‘What if I did have choices?’

‘What choices do I have?’

‘What do I need?’

Just to reiterate, they may not be the choices you absolutely want, after all, who wouldn’t choose not to have fibro anymore.  They may be very small choices and that is totally fine, go with it! 

An example of the choices I made, once I was honest with myself were:

I am going to tweak my diet, get rid of things that are feeding my symptoms and not fuelling health.

I am going to exercise each day, even if that means very small stretches, I can build it up and go with how I am feeling on any given day.

I am going to smile and laugh each day, whether that means watching something daft one of my sons do, or turning to a funny Youtube video, film or memory.  I will make a point of laughing each day.  (You remember the old saying, ‘laughter is the best medicine.’ This has more gravity than you might think.

I’m going to feed the birds in the garden each day. (Sounds stupid maybe, but giving, no matter how small, can also make us feel great and we are in control, remember it could just be giving a smile to someone else).

Stepping back and looking at your life as a whole, may well feel overwhelming and that is the last thing I want you to feel.  So, start chunking down areas in your life that you want to be in control of and work on each area, one at a time.

Now there is something very important to remember here.  Don’t focus on anything external to rely on when you make your choices. Why?  Because you are putting yourself back into the place of ‘hoping’ that you can get or wait for that something to come to you, before you know it you have lost control.  You do not have control over anything external.  

This is where we turn to our internal resources.  Your most important internal resource is your mind!

No matter how small your choices are start pulling them in. Write them down in a journal so you can see them in black and white. This in itself will be a priceless ‘lifting up’ resource for you to look at often, especially when you are feeling down and out of control.  Once you have made even one small choice and have followed it through, you can build on this.  You now have a positive, strong place to start as you will feel as though you DO have more control over your life.

If you ever catch yourself returning to the ‘land of hope’, interrupt it by asking yourself, ‘How can I have choice here?’  Step back and look at the choices you can make.  Remember this is a journey, things in your life will change but you will be able to use this technique each time to lift you back to a better place. 

Now I am not saying this has always been easy, it hasn’t but I never imagined just how powerful giving up hope and making choices could be.  From those tiny choices I finally decided to make, I am in a totally different place from where I was last year.  Yes, I do still have fibro and we know, at this time there is no cure for this invisible condition, but I am also in control of my life and decided to go on to become a qualified NLP Practitioner to help others regain their lives, which is just awesome.

I really want to leave you with one thought for 2019 and that is,

You are always so much more powerful than you give yourself credit for! 

Have a wonderful 2019 xxx

Lots of Love


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